I Remember Your Name
by M.Turnerz
Summary: Todd is reflecting on what he has done to his wife. He doesn't believe anything can save him now, but what if he is wrong? Inspired by Skillet's 'Lucy'.


This fanfic was inspired by Skillet's "Lucy". It is an incredible song by an incredible group. I suggest you buy one of their CD's. Anyways, here you go...

I do not own Skillet or Sweeney Todd, just a Skillet CD and... Not a Sweeney Todd CD. Pout...

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><p><em>Hey, Lucy<br>I remember your name_

Tears hit the gravestone. They had made it pure white, like her soul. It stood out among the dirty stones scattered around it, just as she had.

_I left a dozen roses  
>On your grave today<em>

He put the red roses on the mound of dirt. They reminded him of blood. Her blood. That he had shed.

_I'm in the grass on my knees  
>Wipe the leaves away<em>

He knelt down next to them and stared at the ironic beauty of it all. There were a few leaves around it, so he swept them away to make it even more perfect, if possible.

_I just came to talk for a while  
>I got some things<br>I need to say_

He opened his mouth to say something, but only found silence. He couldn't speak, what would he say, anyways? He killed his wife, and he expected her forgiveness? He truly was a monster. He hung his head in shame.

_Now that it's over  
>I just wanna hold her<br>I'd give up all the world to see  
>That little piece of Heaven looking back at me.<br>_  
>He looked down at the ground where she had been buried weeks before. He would give anything to hold her close, just one last time. He glanced up at the sky, as if he would see her face in a cloud. He didn't.<p>

_Now that it's over  
>I just wanna hold her<br>I've gotta live with the choices I've made  
>But I can't live with myself today<em>

He held his head in his hands and he felt tears escaped through the cracks of his fingers. He couldn't change anything, no matter how much he wanted to. How was a person to live with themselves, though, after they kill their own wife?

_Hey, Lucy  
>I remembered your birthday<em>

He slowly remembered what day it was, and he moaned, as it made the pain all the worse. It was her birthday. She would have been 35 years old. Would have.

_They said it'd bring some closure  
>To say your name.<em>

Mrs. Lovett had told him to say her name, at least once. She said it would help, at least a little bit. He decided to take a chance. "Lucy," he murmured, then shut his eyes quickly to keep the tears of pain from escaping. Well, that didn't help at all.

_I know I'd do it all different  
>If I had the chance<em>

He remembered that night weeks ago, when he had done it, and he instantly wished he hadn't. Perhaps if things were different, if only angels could prevail, they could be the way they were. His beautiful golden-haired Lucy sitting by the window, singing with her glorious voice that he missed so terribly.

_But all I've got are these roses to give  
>And they can't help me<br>Make amends_

He wished he could tell her how much he loved her, just so she would always know. He pounded the ground angrily at the pitiful way he was trying to ask forgiveness. Roses? Dead people have no use for roses! She had hated roses anyways. She loved daisies and gillyflowers. Not roses. He cried out in frustration at his sheer idiocy.

_Now that it's over  
>I just wanna hold her<br>I'd give up all the world to see  
>That little piece of Heaven looking back at me<em>

He fell against the stone. He cried out in pain as he felt it dig into his ribs. He opened his eyes for a moment and glared at nothing. He hadn't truly felt pain in years. He had been beaten mercilessly, been close to death many times, had heartlessly murdered uncountable people, including his wife, and just now he was feeling pain? He closed his eyes once more and wished for himself to die.

_Now that it's over  
>I just wanna hold her<br>I've gotta live with the choices I've made  
>And I can't live with myself today.<em>

He forced himself to look at the gravestone once more. All at once, the tears started to flow again, for on the gravestone, it read:

"Lucy Barker  
>Mind Died Age 21,<br>Body Died Age 34  
>May She Finally Rest in Peace"<p>

'Lucy Barker,' he thought over and over in his head. 'Lucy Barker.' She had kept the name, over all these years, although she probably wouldn't have realized it. But she had poisoned herself a year after he had been arrested. She would have had plenty of time to take up her maiden name again. Perhaps somewhere, in her jumbled mind, she had remembered. It may have just been names, but no one could tell for sure. She had, after all, recognized him before... Before she died. That brought a tiny bit of reassurance.

_Here we are  
>Now you're in my arms<br>I never wanted anything so bad_

For the first time after her death, he allowed himself to imagine what it could have been like. If things hadn't gone wrong, what would it have been like?

_Here we are  
>For a brand new start<br>Living the life that we could've had_

They could've started over. If he only would've recognized her, through the dirt, grime, and torn and shabby clothes, they could've been together again. They could have gotten help for Lucy, they could have rescued Johanna, and they could have lived together as a family. It wouldn't be the same, maybe not like he dreamed, maybe not like she remembered, but he would give it all just to be a family again.

_Me and Lucy  
>Walking hand in hand<br>Me and Lucy  
>Never wanna end<br>_  
>He imagined walking with his wife on the beach, just a few weeks before his imprisonment. He held her soft hand in his larger one. He remembered how she had looked up at him, with such adoring eyes. He would never feel like that again. What was the feeling? Ah, yes.<p>

Happiness.

_Just another moment  
>In your eyes<br>I'll see you  
>In another life<em>

He closed his eyes to savor the feel of her gaze. Her light blue eyes, full of love and trust and beauty. Nothing about her was as beautiful as her eyes, though, in his opinion, many things came quite close.

_In Heaven  
>Where we never say<br>Goodbye_

He opened his eyes harshly. He looked at the mound and made a vow to his late wife. He would make things right, at least for the few miserable days he had left on this corrupt earth. He would ask for the Lord's forgiveness, though he seriously doubted he could be saved, nor should he be, not after all he had done. But Lucy had been a Christian, and she had been happy. Benjamin Barker used to have that as well. Not anymore. But perhaps again...

_Now that it's over  
>I just wanna hold her<br>I'd give up all the world to see  
>That little piece of Heaven looking back at me<em>

He couldn't stay here any longer. The pain was too much. He stood up, took one last, long, look at the scene before him. Red roses, her lips. White tombstone, her skin. Bright, yellow sun peeking over the houses in the first rays of sunrise, her hair. Soft warmth that the sun provided, her touch. Sweet memories that he had to leave behind. Perhaps for another day...

_Now that it's over  
>I just wanna hold her<br>I've gotta live with the choices I've made  
>And I can't live with myself today.<em>

He quickly walked away, leaving behind the dream his mind had been putting together. His world seemed to get darker the further away he walked. His mood ever darkening, he swung open the door to his shop harshly and sat down in his chair for a while. After some time, though, he stood up and walked to the window, but found he no longer had a reason to brood.

_Here we are  
>Now you're in my arms<br>Here we are  
>For a brand new start<em>

He trotted downstairs, looking for that blasted woman, Mrs. Lovett. He didn't care that much, but he knew she cared for his welfare and he felt bad about the way he had treated her over the past year. He didn't find her, but instead a note on the counter saying, 'Mr. T, I'm out at the market to get some real supplies, if you get my drift. There is food in the pantry, and your laundry is in the parlor. Make yourself at home, considering it is your home. I'll be back after dark, Mrs. Lovett'. He growled and crumpled the paper. He wandered into the parlor, and there, as she said they would be, were his clean shirts.

_I've gotta live with he choices I've made  
>And I can't live with myself today<em>

He walked back upstairs, finally collapsing on the bed he hadn't used since he had come back to London. He wept bitterly of all he had lost. His tears slowly ceased and he looked out the window. He looked at the sky, and instead of just meaningless, white puffs, he saw her face, smiling down at him. It changed to one he didn't recognize instantly, but it slowly dawned on him. 'Lord, I-i'm so sorry for my sins. Forgive me,' he thought as sleep began to overtake him. He would ask Him properly in the morning, but he could've sworn he saw the cloud nod before his head hit the pillow. He blinked, and the image vanished. He smiled, honestly and genuinely smiled, at the fact that his wife had forgiven him. His smile stayed on his face as he closed his eyes.

_Me and Lucy  
>Walking hand in hand<br>Me and Lucy  
>Never wanna end<em>

"My love, my pet, my sweet turtle-dove... Lucy... I remember your name," he whispered.

_I've gotta live with the choices I've made  
>And I can't live with myself<br>Today_

Sweeney Todd... No... Benjamin Barker fell asleep, dreaming of white tombstones, yellow hair, and clouds.

_Hey, Lucy  
>I remember your name<em>

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><p>Okay, first of all, I just want you all to know that I don't want to impose my faith on you, it's just my beliefs, and you can believe whatever you want (so I don't want any nasty comments, please and thank you). I also think that it made sense that Lucy would've been a Christian. I mean, if you listen to the lyrics of the songs she sings, they have hidden Christian meanings in them. But you know, I notice stuff like that. So the point here is that I do NOT want any bad or nasty comments on the religious bit I put in here. I WILL take offense to it, and I don't want to have to mess with that junk anyways, so...<p>

Just don't.

Oh, and the story behind "Lucy" is to be interpreted any way you want apparently, but Skillet wrote it based on a young married couple who accidentally got pregnant and decided to get an abortion. It went through without any mishaps or anything, but they started to regret their decision and decided to have a funeral for the baby and the named her Lucy. I love this song, and seriously, you need to listen to it before or after reading it. Although most of you will probably be after, since this is at the end... Didn't think that through... Oh well! Please review! And I like constructive criticism, but again, ABSOLUTELY NO FLAMES ABOUT MY FAITH OR OTHERWISE!

Please and thank you...

~Micky


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